she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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