I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
being pregnant is like rehab
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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