Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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