Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
