sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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