wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
