look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
