I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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