I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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