You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
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We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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