Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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