Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
