It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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