just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
