I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
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I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
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The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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