Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
