yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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