meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
