She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
