In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Two words: nipple clamps
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