if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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