Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
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I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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