I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
