your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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