reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
