Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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