so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
