You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
