the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
