You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
