He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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