I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
