I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
