I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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