Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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