I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
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His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
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The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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