I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
