is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
