please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
