i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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