96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
it's like iHOP with fire
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
