i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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