if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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