peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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