You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
