he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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