I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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