Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
