I love black thongs
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
