remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
birth control should be required to get into college
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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