im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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