My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My pussy is not your playground.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
