I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
