Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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