new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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