I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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