So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
