K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
