So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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