The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
