we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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