The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
