Already got asked if we're dating
What a fucking waste of an outfit
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
